Blogging through the tears.

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This is the last photo I have with my Nana and Lorelei. This was taken last summer. We have rough winters here and it didn’t make it easy to get across the lake to VT unless we took the ferry across. The ferry is ridiculously expensive and so most of the time we don’t go across either way. My biggest regret is not getting over there more to visit my sweet Nana and Papa with Lorelei.

I’m absolutely heartbroken right now. The last time I spoke to Nana was right before my trip to Holland. We were trying to arrange a time for them to help us get to the airport in Burlington. It didn’t work out because of schedules, they weren’t going to be around when we got back from Holland because they were going on vacation to Costa Rica, something my Aunt set up for them. My cousin and their grandson lives in CR and they were going to see him and get some warm weather during our cold winter. She went there as Nana and came back differently.

Nana suffered a fall and stroke while she was there and was put on Life Support in CR for weeks, then she started improving is what we were told. We couldn’t get a straight read on her CAT scan of her brain. The care there was phenomenal I was told and she was in good hands. Various family members went to visit and care for her as well. I was going to try and go but it was too difficult financially for us as well as who would take care of Lo. I never went.

She was just medivac’d back here last week and put in the local hospital. She has a DNR order in place and my Papa was told by the local neurologist that her brain has atrophied and what she is now is what she will be, basically a vegetable. My Nana would never have wanted this to happen. She was so full of life and energy and lived up to her red hair!!

My Papa made the choice 2 nights ago to let nature take it’s course. Not sure how much longer she’ll be with us. I’m going to try and go over on Tuesday to say my goodbyes. How do you say goodbye to the most wonderful woman in the world? She was the glue in our family, she loved a good party, she still worked out 3 times a week at her gym even at 88 years old. She was a strong woman of God. Devout Jesus follower and the best Nana I could have ever had. She wasn’t just my Nana she was a dear friend. I lived with them for 6 months and we had some great times together. It was in the 90’s and I even taught her the macarena!! We used to dance together in her kitchen to it and I started calling her the “Maca-Nana”. We had so many inside jokes the two of us. I am going to miss her spice for life, her laugh, her face squishes and big kisses. Her calling to talk to Lorelei just to say “I love you”. She is truly going to be missed and a big chunk of my heart is being ripped out. I love you Nana more than you ever will know.

Part of me is at peace knowing she’s going to Heaven. She is going to be reunited with her Savior and also her son Michael who died 20 years ago. What a happy reunion that will be. I’ve had months to come to grips with all of this but it’s not helping. Please pray for my family as we go through this hard time.

“Renewed” – ©Kathryn Riechert 2009

I bought this necklace as a reminder of her and as a reminder to pray while she was still in CR. It helped me out. It was meant for me because of the name and the stone. My Nana’s birthday is May 13th, her birthstone is the emerald which was one of her favorites. I bought this necklace from one of my favorite sellers on Etsy named Kathryn Riechert. She has become a sweet online friend and has made some special pieces of jewelry for me. It’s a keepsake for sure. This necklace was named “Renewed” by her and it just jumped off the page of her shop and I bought it instantly. I was looking for something to remind me to pray for Nana, this did. I have only taken it off once since I bought it. It has an emerald for a stone. My plan was to bury this with Nana once I knew she was renewed. I was hoping she would get better and I was going to give it to her or if not I was going to bury it with her. She wants to be cremated so now what do I do? I think I might hang it on a wall with my art or something as a memorial to her. What do you think?

I’m sorry for the long blog but my heart is just overwhelmed and I needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you for reading.

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10 responses »

  1. Sweetheart even tho we know our loved ones are going to be with the Lord, we still must go thru the grieving process, BUT knowing Christ is with us thru it all makes it a bit easier…please know I’m holding you and your family in my prayers!!! (((gentle hugs)))xxBevie

  2. Honey thinking of you at this time, thankyou for sharing your wonderful memories of Nana, she sounds a lovely lady and you have been blessed to have her. I think if you keep the necklace, it will remind you of the blessings she bought you, but also that when she is gone that she hasn’t left you but is always with you in your heart.She is going to really dance with Jesaus!!

  3. Your Nana sounds like a special lady!! Reminds me of my Nana who passed away a few years ago (she had the same zest for life and the same red hair). I will pray for you and your family! Hang in there!!

  4. I am praying for you, May-may. I’m never very good at these things, but I know that you’ll find your way through this hard time. Just hold on to the hope of seeing her again in her renewed self when we all meet in Heaven. It’s not good-bye forever, just for now. I love you, and hope you will come out the other side of this stronger and confident in God. Hang in there, sweetie!~Chandra

  5. Your words to her are so touching, I can tell how special she is! Her being a strong women of God, what an amazing role model she must have been for you. Your family is truly blessed to have such a person in your lives. When I heard her birthday is May 13th, I knew why I felt I liked her so much ;)… we share that birthday!! I know how difficult these times can be, be comforted knowing Jesus is waiting with open arms.

  6. I’m so sorry Aimee….hugs and thoughts and prayers for you.As for the necklace, I bet I know what your grandmother would say…It’s gorgeous! WEAR it!When my grandmother died, I didn’t have the heart to open the box of her things until 5 years later…too hard. After a brief scare and a scream (because there were real mink bodies on her fur stole!), I put it away again. I didn’t know what to do with it…I didn’t want anything to get ruined. Eventually, this light bulb went on that made me realize my grandmother would smack me silly for not using her things…she was a very practical woman! So now every time I use her lovely satin padded hangers, I think of her. I use her dinner tray from her nursing home to make art on. I know she would be delighted! The furs though, are still in the box! lolHugs to you honey!

  7. You asked what to do with the pendant. Wear it yourself, as a reminder of the beautiful connection you shared with your Nana. It will help remind you of all she meant to you.Someday…a reunion! I remind myself of that often, as both my parents are gone now. I never had grandmas past the age of 4, so I’m loving making memories with my own grandkids. I hope that mine will look back someday and have such fond memories, as you have of your Nana.Don’t despair! Keep your eyes on eternity. This life is just a tiny blip on the big screen. God is in control. You’ll see your precious Nana again one day.

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