Tag Archives: cancer

Not sure I’m ready for this post but here goes.

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My blog has been silent for a long time due to personal reasons. I’ve been living in a fog since September 18th, 2012, the day my Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer. To say I was shocked was an understatement as this came from out of the blue. My Mom was one of the healthiest people I knew, she took supplements, stopped using a microwave years ago, took a holistic approach to everything how could this diagnosis be true?  How could this be happening to my family, especially my Mom? What seemed like years dragged out into only 5 more months with her, it was a constant roller coaster ride. We were believing for a complete healing, quoting scripture, prayers and whatever we felt would make her better. God is a healer but He has ultimate say when our time is up. We all wrestled with this as a family and looked to my Dad for wisdom and strength. Dad was her caretaker 24/7 for those 5 months as they were able to do home hospice at my brother’s house. I learned how strong my father really is. They were high school sweethearts and would have been celebrating their 43rd anniversary in May. They had 47 wonderful years together, raised 4 kids (they weren’t supposed to have any) and got to meet 6 grandkids. Mom was there for the birth of both of my daughters and for that I’m grateful. She was there for my wedding and one of my biggest supporters for my art. I got my creativity from my Mom who encouraged me at the age of 3 to start painting rocks and bottles. I am slowly emerging from this fog, this week its been hitting me that she’s really gone. I take each moment of grief and go with it. I’m crying as I write this. I miss her but I’m at peace with it all. She didn’t complain once during her struggle to live. She didn’t have an attitude or feel sorry for herself, if she did she didn’t show it. She was amazingly strong. I don’t know if I could do that. I remember visiting her one day and it was too much emotionally for me as I saw her deteriorating and she offered to pray for me. I’m the one who should have prayed for her in the moment but I couldn’t. I tried to be strong around her and for my Dad. She was an amazing woman of God, friend, encourager to anyone she met. The world was a better place with her in it. My world was a better place. Finding out how to move on without her is hard. I am dreading Mother’s day. She’s been gone for a little over a month now and it is slowly getting easier, I’m usually good if I stay busy. If there is one thing I learned from all of this is that things can change in an instant! IT’s TIME to live now! It’s time to live in the moment, love in the moment. Don’t put off doing what you want to do any longer, the time is NOW! Be present with your family, your friends, your loved ones. Just BE in the moment every day, all day. Take time for you, pursue your dreams, mend those fences, forgive those that have hurt you and move on. I don’t know what life is going to look like a year from now but I do know that I’m not going to waste time on worry, regrets and bad things. Love on your family, call your parents if you’re lucky enough to have them both. Life is short and fleeting so please don’t take that for granted. There are so many things I wish I got to do with my Mom that I’ll never get the chance to do now. Don’t waste time. The time is now. I just hope she’s proud of me and all I will accomplish. I do have one thing to look forward to which is seeing her in Heaven one day. I will see her again. She is reunited with her brother Mike and her Mom, my dear Nana who passed 4 years ago. Through all this it’s easy to get mad at God but I can’t, I thought I would be but I’m not. He carried me through this entire situation and I felt it. His grace was there to keep me going. I’m so happy I have my faith to hold onto during hardships. I never thought I’d have to face such a horrible one but I’m emerging and I’m OK. If there is one thing I miss now it’s my Mom’s distinctive laugh, you could hear it from a mile away. She was such a clown and so much fun. I love you Mom.

Mom is in the middle.

Mom is in the middle.

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